Dealing With the Mundanes

Thank God.

Today, when I was getting coffee from the coffeeshop at Serangoon Stadium at ~6.55am (because the daddy was so kind to drop me to buy), it hit me that these guys whom i see at 8pm at the coffeeshop... are the same guys. The man who passed me the bag of coffee with the "lai, mei nu" was the same man. With his nicotine-stained fingers and watery eyes.

How long have they been doing this? How do they find time for anything else? How do they get themselves better jobs if they are stuck here day in day out, unable to find time for self-study and therefore unable to progress? Is this the meritocracy we have? Aren't these loopholes? How can I make things better?

All these filled my mind as I was standing there, and it filled me to the point of speaking when I got back into the car.

"Sigh."

"Why?"

"Don't you just think that mundane jobs like selling coffee can be so depressing at times? I mean, not even limited to that. But even just the thought that you will not be able to progress anymore, and that you are stuck in a certain place 'forever', unable to move forward and yet you can't go back and change the path you're already on"

I think daddy was a little shocked and he thought i was depressed (i.e. thinking that teaching was a dead-end job) (so cute T.T ), so even after we reached school we spent time sitting in the car talking about it. He spoke about his own life, and how he feels that way especially when he watches those documentaries about the factory workers in China, and we talked about certain specific people whom we knew that were possibly struggling as well. Which further ignited the heart of compassion that God has nurtured within me and I think it sputtered into a small flame again today. I hope it doesn't go out.God, keep me desiring You and desiring to have Your heart for Your world.

It has hit me before, but i'm glad it hit me again. It needs to keep hitting me. Lord, may your heart of compassion for others continue to be in me. May I never suppress it, or ignore it- or worse, reason/justify it away. It is only when we develop enough compassion for them, that we begin to pray for them. And it is only when we begin to pray for them, that God works changes in us to be able to grow, to be able to help them.

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Over the past few months I have occasionally noticed myself being very unfeeling towards others in general. Going through Life became like having tunnel vision, because I was only caring about the people and things whom/which I wanted (self-centred?) to care for... and i... was very much... content.

Which was disturbing, frankly.

I remember being perturbed at certain points as I would encounter a scene where I knew in my mind that I should feel something... but i didn't. But as I continued to ignore those perturbations... they became more infrequent and less nagging (ah, right now the verse "Do not quench (the idea of suppressing fire) the Spirit" jumps clearly into my mind- ignoring the feeling is indeed quenching the Spirit).

I know i'm not through the tunnel yet. It's not an immediate "I'm out!" with a magic prayer, like a genie. I think we develop better spiritual stamina through the continued struggling. Parallel // to how we develop physical stamina through longD. The tunnel is expanding slowly, but by constantly relying on God to save me from my selfishness, I know He will bring me out of that tunnel if I so desire to. Plus, the Holy Spirit nags at me... hahaha. For which i'm thankful for, because I think this nagging has saved me from many mistakes that I would have made. I'm Queen of Justifying myself

However, I also think the opposite is true- if I still constantly wish to just stay in my bubble and do what I will, I can continue ignoring the Holy Spirit, quenching Him.

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I'm glad.