T1W3

Just like that, three weeks have flown by.

Just like that, , .

One verse stays by my side:

"Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.

And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation." (Romans 5:2-4)

By nature, I am not someone who perseveres.

However, if I do not perceive that I am trapped, I am more able to 'rise above' these challenges.

To a large extent, i do feel that this year's roles have been 'thrust upon me' rather than me taking them up of my own accord.

However, I am also aware that it is of my own volition that I do the things that I do in those roles.

For example- I take over from Hannah officially only after she leaves in March. However, I have been trying as much as reasonably possible to be 'visible' to 5IN, being at their class during Assembly, going in during my free periods to address issues, taking the FTGP lessons and doing the admin that I can (also to help Hannah), including solving problems. Today I just spoke to James until I teared. LOL. How much of a joke is that. When it happened I think I mentally told myself "Okay you need a break".

Also, for Choir- I can technically give the reason "i didn't know" for many things, but I choose to get my ass moving because I want my kids to develop a passion for what they do.

For Music Dept, I hope they enjoy teaching music more after the Ebooks have been downloaded and the P3-4 desk copies have been delivered. I keep trying to think of ways to voice my suggestions without making it look like the music dept is in a deep mess, which tbh i feel it is? But i am aware (and am trying to KEEP in mind) that I AM NEW. I do not know the workings of the school. I do not know the pain that I might cause to others if I push something that I feel is good. I must think long-term sustainability, not short fireworks.

I begin to see the taichi moves of some, but I would do well to question my perceptions and assumptions:

1. Would it be because they feel that they have a lot on their plate? It would not be fair to assume that everyone gets plates of the same size, because we see from our kids that... they don't. We don't.

2. Are they not allowed to have other priorities? I am sure I taichi things that I care less about.

My music lessons this year are honestly pretty crazy because of the 4 different levels that I teach, all on different days. I have already gotten confused at least once and briefed my P3s on the P4 project, as well as told my P4s about the recycling project which belongs to the P2s. Added to that is also how different classes actually do go at different speeds and prefer different methods, so it's really almost like teaching 13 different classes rather than 4 levels. I rely heavily on my weekly reflections (if I can recall exactly what I did with each class). Names are also a problem as the upper levels are larger classes. I'm thankful that I know most of the P3's and some of the P2's names from last year.

EL Competitions and PAL- I am mostly glad that I am handling them with Peck helping me. Although tbh I feel like I'm playing pinball sometimes (like everything is ding-donging because I keep having to move back and forth), I know it will get better as I learn to see what I can and cannot do, with whom.

Other more official and relatively new hats I wear include my personal role as a teacher (EPMS etc.), joining the Youth Comm, teaching Sunday School, taking up Voice Therapy, joining SBC choir.

Think I've been tired cos I have been relatively more emotional this week (also cried when Joan met with me- i hope she does not write it down in her mentor log!). Also, I do feel that I am not as productive as before... and my appetite is decreasing. Today I went to the toilet twice because I felt like I was going to puke, after a dinner of udon which is usually not very filling but took a significant amount of effort to finish today. #life

#edittmr