SDT, Again (seemingly a life-concept)

Nowadays, when we talk about the past and try to draw links to the current situation, it typically goes in a cyclical way where people end up saying versions of "but it's different now. In the past, parents didn't care. They had the more pressing matters (like survival) to worry over. Now, we have the liberty to care, but our kids don't."

i.e. "Now, the generation is different."

Is that true?

Or have our generations been the same since then- people who desperately desire autonomy, who crave competency in the things they care about, and who long for their loved ones to see their point of view (relatedness)?

This has been at the back of my mind for a long time, because it always frustrated me that it seemed to be stuck argument on the "things are different now". WHY are they different? WHY aren't students motivated to study now?

The issue, however, only came out of the hazy recesses of my mind when I read this article: The Case for the "Self-Driven Child".

In it, I read a point that struck me with its clarity and shaped the wisps of thought:

"Evaluate what you gain when you try to control a child. Let’s say you think your son—who struggles in math—should see a tutor all summer, and he disagrees. But you insist. It’s possible that tutoring would help some, but the truth is that kids benefit very little from academic help they resist and don’t feel they want or need. Even if it does help him, it comes at a great cost. It causes strain in your relationship with him. His competency might be improved, but his relatedness (his relationship with you) and his autonomy are lowered. Think of a three-legged stool where you make one leg longer and the other two shorter. You cannot reach higher on that stool. The most likely outcome is that it will tip over. And, you have signaled to him that you know better than he does, that his opinion doesn’t matter. He also misses out on seeing what it’s like to make decisions for himself. Kids need experience checking in with themselves and their decisions, and they can’t do that if you’re making each one."

Although we all know there are more things to consider, and "even if we got to the answer, implementing a solution would be another whole story" yada yada... but this really hit home for me. Recalling the times I found it so darned hard to pick up Chinese even though i tried (sulkily), but yet when I went to China for a mission trip my spoken Chinese naturally improved by leaps and bounds. The times where I learnt the most because I didn't feel like I was forced to learn...

No one likes feeling coerced.

And its the perception that counts, not that actual intention of the 'coercer'.

Now to apply it to my pedagogy.

And life.